Ashtanga Yoga between confusions and doubts

Photo by Costel Parcalab taken in September 2017, Änggårdsberget, Göteborg, Sweden

Here I am in our living room where all this craziness (and journey of the most meaningful thing I’ve ever done in my life) started. I cannot believe it is only two years since it all started to take shape. I feel so much has happened during these only two years. I have worked so hard and I struggled so much to learn how to express what my heart feels.

2 years ago I was just a bendy person with a big love for yoga postures. Today I feel the most stable and awake I have ever felt in my entire life. There is still a very long way to go, but little by little I learn how to accept the obstacles as a very important part of the journey of moving forward. I learn that success is not a final destination, but constant progress, little steps every day is the most important achievement you can have. Through the journey of my own personal yoga practice and running Unfold Your Mat I learn that everything I ever thought to be impossible suddenly becomes possible. My dream is to inspire people to become the best version of themselves, to grow stronger and wiser every day more, to believe in themselves no matter what others say, to be strong enough to believe in their dreams and “Never give up” (Kino McGregor). My dream is to teach people through my own journey to become themselves, without labels, without the bulls*it society tries to make you do, but YOU who you are inside your own heart. I strongly believe that if we all do that the world would become a whole different place.

I am more and more in love with the magic of yoga. I believe in it with all my heart because I can feel how every single day a new layer of ignorance is taken away through my dedication to the practice. Not every practice is the best practice. And that’s the whole point. I learn to practice an equanimous mind every single day, to remain calm (or a little bit calmer every day) despite the chaos around. The journey of dedicating yourself to something will teach you more about who you are than any other thing you’ll ever do. Because it is in your darkest and most difficult moments where it will be reveled who you truly are. It is easy to be nice and friendly when everything goes smoothly. But who are you when things don’t go the way you have planned them?

Last November I embarked myself upon the difficult journey of daily Ashtanga practice. I thought I knew what dedication means. That was a lie I said to myself. I am only scratching the surface of what true dedication and compassion mean. I’ve had ups and downs (mostly downs in the last 9 months). I have been on a journey of mind detox that only someone who’s been on a similar journey can truly understand what I mean by that.

I have seen the two sides of my personality – the angel and the demon, not only once, but many times. I have seen when I practiced with the ego and when I practiced with humbleness and dedication. When I’m tired and when I’m lazy. When I’m too driven and when I need to slow down. When I let myself absorbed by the many thoughts in my head and when I detach and see them all. When I try to escape the suffering produced by the mind and the only thing I manage to do is to get even more hurt. When I accept the suffering and let go and things get better actually. These last 11 months, I only grew – as a person, wife, friend, aspirant yogini, yoga teacher and entrepreneur.

My practice has become the best it has ever been. And also the hardest it has ever been. It jumped from being a hobby to becoming a meditation. The understanding about how my own mind works has jumped to a complete new level. I never before seen my mind so clearly.

It also came with a lot of confusions and doubts and pain. As S. always says, “Be careful what you wish for.” I always wanted to become wiser and I feel I a lot wiser than I’ve been only a year ago. I remember praying to become wiser when I was a little girl. And that was one of my New Year’s resolutions too. I wanted to get wiser and get to know myself, truly get to know the mysteries of my mind and my heart.

We think we know, but it is only when we start digging more into practices of self-awareness that a complete hidden world of our subconscious mind opens up.

In 2 weeks it is going to be 1 year of daily Ashtanga yoga practice. And I am just a baby Ashtangi who didn’t even started to crawl yet. But I can feel what true dedication can bring to ones life. I have  never before felt so stable and strong in my body. I am more focused than I’ve ever been. I am starting to understand what being independent Vs being dependent and needy means. What real freedom feels like when you catch glimpses of it. I am scratching the surface of what conditioned existence means…I cannot believe how much ignorance we build throughout our entire life… And if we don’t allow our hearts to open we might end up being caught in there forever…

Through my daily practice I have become a better teacher. I can see better what happens in the body and mind of my students. And it is priceless to be able to see the world as it is and try to help other people to discover themselves.

My love to practice and share yoga is growing every day more. Without trying to sound arrogant, I feel I was born to do that. Who knows what the future will bring? For now I am happy that through my own journey I can find ways to guide other people to become healthier, happier and to get to know themselves better. I am happy I am more awake that I’ve ever been. I am on a mission to share the yoga practice with my own understanding. I treat my mind, body and experiences as precious research tools  into digging into the mysteries of the human mind and understanding more about life itself.

Keep practicing!

From my heart to yours,


If you enjoyed this article, feel free to share it with your friends who could also benefit from it. Follow my updates on Facebook, Instagram and via this website.

Join us this Saturday, October 21st, 4-6 PM for 2 hours Ledd Ashtanga for all levels. More about this event here.

© Unfold Your Mat 2017

Göteborg, Sweden

Leave a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *