I am writing these lines while lying on my belly in sphinx pose. My mat is under me and I feel so calm and fulfilled today.
I just read a comment from someone who is embarking on his 200 hours TTC journey and it made me remember my own journey.
I watched this video I recorded in February 2015 before my first flight to India. Nothing fancy, just a way to observe myself better from the outside. I shared it with other people as a way to see that there is no perfection in raw, authentic practice. And we don’t want it to be perfect. We want it to real, to be authentic, to be honest.
There are mistakes and there will be. Each practice is different. Your understanding of your own body and mind will change. With regular practice and commitment everything gets better and better.
There will always be room for improvement and it’s good to aim to be better every single day, but it’s also good to look back and remember how far you’ve got. By reminding myself of the old me ( I say old me because it really feels like such a long time ago despite that fact it’s been only 1 year and few months), I stay grounded and I find the strength to keep on going despite how though it gets sometimes. We spend each second in this body and mind and most of the times we forget to appreciate the good, the progress, our own struggles. It’s good to connect the dots and move forward.
I can choose to watch this video and see mistakes or I can choose to watch it and see progress. Today, I choose to see progress and put a smile on my face. I choose to move forward. I choose to continue to do my best and walk my own path!
I watch it and I am amazed how much change I can see in me. It’s not only superficial and asanas related. The asanas have indeed improved a lot, but this is a secondary effect of me changing on deeper levels of my own being. I used to be so much speed and so little understanding.
At the time I recorded this video I was in a huge emotional shock and pain. My father passed away moths before that and I was still in pain. I was a wanderer. I did not even know what happened to me. I couldn’t understand myself. I did not know how to heal and I so desperately wanted to heal. I was angry that he was taken away from me so soon. I felt I don’t deserve all this.
I was angry nobody could actually give me a hand and make me feel better. Nobody understood. Few people cared. Because nobody should do something. You are the only one who can do something. It is your own journey…
Little did I know how much him moving to another dimension is going to teach me and the turn my life is going to take.
Not having him in my life anymore and the trip to Rishikesh, India represented the beginning of a new me. The beginning of finding purpose and trying to understand myself, him and our purpose here on Earth.
Thank you dad for how much you’ve given me! I miss you!
Connect the dots. Appreciate. Love. Live your life.
© Unfold Your Mat 2016
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