I still remember that girl Mihaela from 1st grade. Taller than me, physically stronger than me. With that attitude of “I’m the best in the world.” I was shy and introvert. The good girl. The good grades. Playing by the rules. Not knowing how to stand up for myself. The class of 1994, Hunedoara, Romania.
She was always picking on me. And I was afraid of her and believed all of her insults were true. I remember often crying after school and complaining to my mom hoping she could do something to help me.
I never understood why she was such a mean 8 years old girl. But it was probably not her “mental programme” and a consequence of environment…I don’t know…
I never understood why would someone hurt someone else just for the sake of harming and suffering. Sometimes I lose hope that everyone could be saved and just think some people were born mean..
My parents always overprotected me. It was their way of showing love and offering what was missing when they grew up in the difficult times of 1950’s, countryside Romania. I was their little girl. Nothing could or should harm their baby. When my dad hold me in his arms, I felt safe and loved. His kind, hard-working hands, his strong arms were holding me in such a loving and protective way.
And then life started showing me not everything is perfect out there. Some would judge you. Harm you. Not because they really have a problem with you, but because they have big issues with themselves. It’s easy to feel “strong” when you are crushing others that cannot defend themselves. Isn’t it?
In an attempt to justify other people’s behaviors I have become “the victim”. It’s quite easy to put that label on and play the role…At some point you will end up false identifying with your amazing role and make it your purpose, your destiny, your ..whatever bullshit you tell to yourself.
It’s so easy to play the victim’s role. All of us do it under one way or another…
Until one day…when after all that aching in your heart, you finally start to see it. It’s all there and among tears and shame you dare to say it loud: “that’s who I’ve been playing for years, but that’s NOT who I am. I decide to stand up and assume it!”
You take those labels off and finally start to stand up and live your life for God’s sake.
It’s easy to play the victim. Because in the victim’s role you do not have to take responsibility over your own life. In the victim’s role is “their fault”, it’s not your responsibility.
But let me tell you a secret you already know.
You always have a choice. The choice to follow your path, being honest, brave and protect your dream with all of heart. You have this choice, my dear. Because as my amazing friend S. once told me “greatness is within.” ALWAYS! And you can choose to listen to those silly voices in your head and around you or follow the whisper of your heart and decide to be brave and follow your path.
Unlock that lock. Open that door towards living your life with meaning and responsibility over your own life. Fly little bird! Set yourself free from everything you’ve been brainwashing yourself for years. And be patient, the world has not been made in a day.
Life is a gift to be cherished and appreciated not spent gossiping about others and playing the victim. There is a more powerful way to live in taking your life in your hands. It’s not an easy path and few will walk it, but it’s definitely a more empowering way of living.
You can do it! “Believe in yourself! And never give up.” – Kino MacGregor’s words on the book she signed for me at the workshop in Stockholm 2016 – these words have been imprinted on my heart.
From my heart to yours,
Lavinia
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